First time: Am I pregnant????

Do you realize how easy it is to have not been born?....... To simply not exist?

Imagine that you were the sperm and egg marked for conception in today's world... You would easily have been erased by the morning after pill, some abortion clinician or most probably by time, by the wrong time. It's amazing to realize that your existence could very well have been prevented by undeveloped scientific discovery, in other words you simply and literally are in more ways than you think a product of your time and generation.

On the other hand, you could also very well be a product of a timeless female instinct that harps on protecting the idea of a life inside her. I'm not excluding the males in the picture because they aren't important, but I do realize now that the genesis of the actual act of keeping a child is with the mother. This week I walked down an interesting road filled with contemplation of having a child. What a tremendous decision.

What a tremendous decision? It was weird that this question popped in my head, seeing as I have always thought that I am pro-life and very against the idea of abortion. Yet, in the moment where the idea of having a child was seeming to be a reality, I thought what a tremendous decision? It was a decision, I realized and accepted that I had a choice to make! It blew me away! All of a sudden everything that I had championed for had taken a back seat and I considered an alternative, perhaps not as seriously as I could have imagined but I feel now, that I have traveled down the road of someone that could make the decision.

I feel that I do realize now that it's not the easy or absolute NO that I once thought it was. It's an amazing period of contemplation really, because by the time I had accepted the idea of being pregnant, I was more concerned with having emotions that could show the baby that it was wanted rather than the contrary. I became strong for me and the possible child and believe it or not I put aside my personal future plans, for an uncertain future that I would take one day at a time. Crazy isn't it?!?